Being a tike is a unappreciated job . You spend all twenty-four hour period slaying your foes in a breechcloth and greased up in beef tallow , and nobody remember your effort . The zeitgeist move on to plagiarist , vampires , living dead , and what have you .
In honour of all those underappreciated barbarians out there in fabrication , here are 25 moments of barbaric madness that I candidly believe the Library of Congress ought to deem culturally , historically , or aesthetically important . Enjoy .
Ator the Invincible ( 1984 )
In this low - budget Italian illusion flick , the Blademaster builds a bent glider almost immediately and start bombing a palace . It ’s whole ridiculous but nonetheless badass . No admiration Mystery Science Theater 3000got their hooksin this cinema .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_t605Th-QI
Korgoth of Barbaria ( 2006 )
This Adult Swim show by Aaron Springer and Genndy Tartakovsky ( both of Dexter ’s Laboratory ) never made it past a cowcatcher . This was a bummer , as it was a non - stop cavalcade of disembowelment .
What if Conan the Barbarian were Stranded in the 20th Century ? ( 1984 )
In the 1970s , Marvel published a series of Conan comic books . Conan did n’t crossover into the mainstream Marvel universe of discourse often , but when he did , it was through alternative universe What If ? fables . In one matter , he hear the ways of Earth ’s outlaw and became a pander …
… only to desert his criminal ways after a fight with Captain America . It ’s suggest that Conan might join the Avengers by the end of the comic .
Also , the Bill Sienkiewicz cover for this matter was all sorts of rad . Let ’s take a look at some more Conan sport …
What if Thor combat Conan the Barbarian ? ( 1983 )
In this egress , Thor is transport to the Hyborian Age by Loki and — after a brief misunderstanding — the macho men team up up to vote out Thoth - Amon . Unfortunately , Thor kicks it in the conflict . Fortunately , Conan gets to maintain Mjolnir !
What if Wolverine combat Conan the Barbarian ? ( 1990 )
Ooh , this takings was a doozy . Long story short , Wolverine accidentally falls into Uatu the Watcher ’s pan - dimensional prison term hut during the Trial of the Phoenix ( a.k.a.the engagement to demolish Dark Phoenix ) and ends up in the Hyborian Age . There Logan get together Red Sonja , shack up with her , and tosses Conan into the mainstream Marvel Universe via some interdimensional thingamajig .
Conan materializes in the middle of the Trial of the Phoenix and beans water flea with a rock in a fit of rage — this prompts Jean Grey to twist into Dark Phoenix and destroy the Earth . Good job , Conan ! On the positive side , he does get to defeat a Skrull for the heck of it .
Yor The hunting watch From The Future ( 1983 )
In this celluloid schlock - atomic number 8 - rama , Yor is a nuclear survivor from the hereafter who run dinosaurs and fights robots .
Q : Did the radiation resurrect the dinosaur ?
A : No , Yor ’s theme vocal did . It was so inspiring it bring them back from the idle .
Warlord
In this fantasy series by Mike Grell , Air Force pilot Travis Morgan is accidentally suck into the fantastic human beings of Skartaris at the center of the Earth . Morgan becomes Warlord , a gangster Asterix who brandishes a .44 AutoMag . His outfit is perhaps the most masculine in the DC Universe .
Also , this mathematical function of Skartaris by Pat Broderick from 1985 ’s Warlord Annual#4is a matter of great beauty . It is almost as effective as Jack Kirby ’s map ofKamandi ’s Earthorhis dolphinfish utopia .
https://io9.gizmodo.com/preview/insane-maps-of-the-batcave-and-krypton-5516712
https://gizmodo.com/a-map-of-jack-kirbys-sentient-dolphin-utopia-5679431
Deathstalker ( 1983 )
In this no - budget Argentine production , a pig - colossus mature weary of strangling a man , so he pull off a passerby - by ’s arm and bludgeons his quarry with it . Could you tell it was produced by Roger Corman ?
Apropos of nothing , the wizard in Deathstalker knows how to cast aphrodisiac , sexy spells .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFYqAK3TpvM
Deathstalker II ( 1987 )
Is this the well exploding ninja star death ever take ? Yes .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAYtMvBzhNc
Beastmaster II : Portal of Time ( 1991 )
I can apprize the Beastmaster — he ’s like He - Man meets Dr. Dolittle . What I can revalue even more is Beastmaster II , in which the filmmakers decided that the entire dealership had run its course in two films and threw the Beastmaster into 1980s Los Angeles . IsThe Smurfsa reboot of Beastmaster II ? Secret solvent : Oui .
https://gizmodo.com/the-smurfs-trailer-will-make-you-smurf-in-your-mouth-5780965
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFeVYdyx_iM
And like Yor , the Beastmaster had a fucking slamming theme call .
Beastmaster III ( 1996 )
by the bye , the Beastmaster dealership spawn another continuation ( which asterisk Marc Singer ) and a 66 - episode video series ( which did not star Marc Singer ) . You ’ll always be my Beastmaster , Marc , even if you ’re consign to oppose monsters that resemble King Koopa from Super Mario Bros.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VM1l5VhorB8
The Invincible Barbarian ( 1982 )
In this no - budget Italian motion-picture show , the tyke is unvanquishable . His opponents are not .
Conquest ( 1983 )
The hero had a laser bow . It was n’t as serious as the war hawk - firing blade fromHawk the Slayer , but it did the occupation .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ceERPc3pyw
Masters of the Universe ( 1987 )
If I ever sell a kidney for a musical composition of movie memorabilia , it will be Frank Langella ’s Skeletor helmet .
The Barbarians(1987 )
Whatever find to the Barbarian Brothers ? They were like Marc Singer times Marc Singer .
Also , this advert scene from The Barbarians is required viewing .
Does anyone own one of these shirts ? Seriously , I want one of these more than Skeletor ’s chapeau . Email me .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ntPaIp2_v8
Sword of the Barbarians ( 1982 )
If a barbarian eviscerated you in this film , your organs turned in low - grade papier - mâché .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyPrJb1_IdI
A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell ( 1990 )
Perhaps the most deplorable entry on this list , this super - gaudy Troma celluloid is strangely the most popular , asit recently enjoyed a renaissance on Hulu . There ’s a metaphor for civilization in here somewhere , but I ’m too work-shy to reap it .
Conan The Barbarian
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