I recollect about smartphones more than any normal person should . I could say it ’s part of my job as a gismo blogger to think of these affair with irregular oftenness , but that would really be a cover up , a convenient prevarication . The the true is I ’m by nature preoccupied , and I indulge that compulsion to a creeptacular degree .

Like my British train - counting sidekick or the more ornithological inclined , I also like track down and key out a certain matter . The truth is I ’m a earpiece - spotter .

If I ’m walk down the street , and I see someone clutching a headphone to their case , I ’m strain to glimpse the size , the logo , the Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe , any clue really to solve my demand - to - know obsession . fend in line at a coffee shop ? I ’m craning my neck over shoulder . On first escort , I ’ll take a flying coup d’oeil down at the beer - soaked bar to see what kind of phone I ’m working with .

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iPhones are the pigeons of the sound - blob globe — they’re tiresome , everywhere , and have a false signified of superiority . Samsung Galaxy Whatevers are n’t much better . Chinese rareness , like the OnePlus One , are like peregrine falcons , and BlackBerrys the near - extinct California Condor .

I can passably accurately pinpoint when all this smartphone peeping started — when I started taunt the New York City subway .

Before moving to New York nearly two years ago , I lived in middle America . That mean commutes spend listening to my local NPR station while not trying to kill myself on a congested highway . In New York , I suddenly gained an extra hr and a one-half , every day , of just like … stand around … and not really doing anything . Sometimes I have a book to pass the time , but more often then not , I ’m just listening to euphony and de - stressing .

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My fellow commuters commonly prefer to vote down those liminal minutes between pointedness A and point in time B with their smartphones . Those packed wagon train became a smartphone safari zone . Over pass weeks and months , I begin look at notice , more and more , until it became an obsession : iPhone 5 , iPhone 6 Plus , Galaxy S4 or no waiting an S5 … no , no in spades an S4 . A Nokia 1520 , what the fuck ?

When I ’m stumped ( cases always provided an additional challenge , often work out with just the look of the camera lense and its position ) , I ’ll commonly hop on my earpiece , once I ’m above land , and check through a bookmarked Newegg smartphone list for a clue . When one does get away compartmentalization , I ’m more upset about it than I should be .

And sure , all of this helps with my employment somewhat . In the last 8 months , I ’ve used near 20 to 30 different smartphones . I no longer own a telephone set . I own a SIM card , and honestly , I ’ve lost feeling with how people really practice smartphones , unity they ’ve had for years , not weeks . So headphone - detection is an feat to maintain all these phone that I indite about with such geometrical regularity in their raw habitat , which is basically a band of cases , endless runners , and Candy Crush .

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But sometimes all of this is n’t just a harmless biz or a smartphone fact - finding mission .

If eyes are the windows to the soulfulness , then smartphones might just be the garage door opener to your personality . Or something like that . As humans , ourbrains are designedto make quick decisions and judgments . That ’s whyfirst impressions are so important . I just occur to factor in your smartphone in the process .

If you do own a OnePlus One , I ’ll credibly think you get phones , or at the very least do n’t make overhasty iPhone purchases . If you have a Windows Phone in paw , you plausibly really like underdog films and enjoy being a bit of a contrarian . extremist pop telephone make it near impossible to make any sort of assessment . I judge I ’d just have to talk to the mortal IRL . Imagine !

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Does all this make me vocalize eccentric and a bit of an shit . Most definitely . But I ca n’t be the only one who does this , right ? Right ! ?

So … anyway … ahem . What kind of phone do you have ?

Illustration by Sam Woolley

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get in touch with the author at[email   protected ] .

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