Hours after filming one of the most heart-wrenching scenes ofGrey’s Anatomyto date,Sarah Drewexperienced one of the most emotional moments of her life: the premature birth of her daughter.

“That one episode was called ‘All I Could Do Was Cry,’ " the 39-year-old actress, who is starring in the upcoming Lifetime holiday movieTwinkle All the Way, told PEOPLE at the It’s a Wonderful Lifetime Holiday Movie Press Junket on Tuesday.

Dr. Jackson Avery and Dr. April Kepner onGrey’s Anatomy.ABC

Sarah Drew

While Drew said Hannah, who is now 4 years old, is “totally fine,” the actress admitted it was a surreal moment.

“I will never forget that,” she said. “I’ll never forget that experience. If you allow yourself to really open up to what that moment is and don’t shut down from it, which you could do, I guess … I didn’t. I just opened up to it and became very porous in it. Your emotions are right there. There’s no faking anything. It’s just so real, but it also does a number on you and you have to recover from scenes like that, for sure.”

After nine years on the ABC drama, Drew — along with former costar Jessica Capshaw — departed fromGrey’sin season 14, leaving fans shocked.

ABC (2)

sarah-drew

Though Drew said she’s not up to date with the current season, she believes there’s still a lot of story to tell.

“It still holds up and still has, from the beginning has so many compelling characters and compelling storylines,” she said.

As to where April’s life would be now?

“I imagine her life is very full,” said Drew.

Twinkle All the Waypremieres Nov. 23 on Lifetime as part of the channel’s “It’s a Wonderful Lifetime” holiday programming.

source: people.com