Michael K. Williams.Photo: Amy Sussman/FilmMagic
Michael K. Williamspoured himself into his biggest roles, fromThe WiretoLovecraft Country. But the emotional toll those performances took would often send the acclaimed actor into relapse, he reveals in his upcoming posthumous memoir,Scenes From My Life.
Finally, a lone fax came for an audition for a character named Omar Little.
It was that hunger that initially drove him to stay clean playing the iconic Baltimore thief.
“Shooting in Baltimore for season 1, I was as sober as I’d ever been, barely even smoking weed. I treated the job like my life depended on it because in some ways it did,” he writes. “By that age, I’d been on the addiction/relapse merry-go-round enough to know how things could unravel once drugs entered the picture.”
Michael K. Williams.Jesse Dittmar/Redux
But portraying Omar’s pain on camera ultimately sent Williams reeling — and back to drugs.
“A director calling ‘cut’ doesn’t erase what you’re feeling. Your mind feels the fictional the same way it feels the real,” he explains. “That’s the flip side of getting into a character; you wake up that sleeping beast. I meditate on painful things all day long for a scene and when it’s over, it’s little wonder I’m tempted to go off and smoke crack.”
By season 2, Williams was promoted to a series regular, renting an apartment in an upscale Baltimore brownstone. His lucrative contract meant he was getting paid more money per episode – and for each episode produced, whether he appeared or not.
Soon, Williams found himself in trouble again.
“I had more money and more time on my hands,” he writes. “My demons had room to play. On days I wasn’t shooting I started getting high on crack and cocaine again, until I was completely broke. When season 2 wrapped, I could no longer afford the rent on that beautiful apartment.”
By the end of the series, Williams was plagued about his worth without Omar. “I felt stripped, lost, emptied-out,” he says.
Michael K. Williams with Riz Ahmed in “The Night Of”.Craig Blankenhorn/HBO
Williams would find future roles would often lead him back down a dark path.
ShootingThe Night Of, which earned him an Emmy nomination, Williams played Freddy, a fearsome addict imprisoned for life, guiding a frightened new inmate (Riz Ahmed) on how to survive behind bars.
His nephew’s decades-long incarceration for a juvenile crime weighed heavily on him as he shot the role. “The character stirred up so many issues for me that before the shoot ended, after around five years sober, I would cave in on myself,” he says. In one instance during that relapse, Williams didn’t show up for work.
Afterwards, he says, he “got into therapy and Narcotics Anonymous meetings, reconnected with my sponsor, and addressed my trauma head-on.”
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Prior tohis September 2021 deathfrom anaccidental fentanyl-laced overdoseat age 54, Williams had launched a new chapter in his life — one that focused on giving back. Passionate about social justice activism and helping his community, he felt he’d finally found his voice.
“At around fifty years old, I figured out who I am,” he writes. “But now I have to figure out why I am. I made it. Great. Now what? What was it for? If my shoulders aren’t strong enough for others to stand on, then I’m wasting my second chance.”
Scenes From My Lifeis out August 23.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, please contact the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.
source: people.com
